Sticky

Sure, they say 

Stick to what you know

They say

Well I know that love isn't sticky

But I know love

Yes I know how to make it

I know how to tear it apart

I can pretend well that I have it

And I know how to pretend that I don't 

Yes I know love

Enough to know that love doesn't know me

Love and me are a pair of smooth stones

We are two positive magnets

I'm round, and love is for squares

Yes I know love

And I know that love isn't sticky

But they say 

Stick to what you know

They say

Jealous Anthropology in a Coffee Shop

Strands of Her hair fall

from beneath other strands

following the lines of Her face 

toward Him

Her jaw

Her nose

Her eyes

All pointed toward Him

The slightest revelation of  

The woman in Her

calls to the man in Me

demanding my undivided attention

and once she has it

I OBSERVE

One leg up, arms folded

toes pointed

Eyes focused

Her shoulders collapse inward

if they could only touch each other

maybe everything would be alright

She just wants this "thing" to work

She's just desperate to be held

She's thinking

'I wish we were the same thing'

He's thinking

'maybe if She was, what I am'

I'm thinking

'All I want out of existence is 

for one to look at me 

the way She's looking at Him' 

Like He's a key 

and He will unlock every closed door

and every hidden chest

but when those doors open

and those chests 

yield up their priceless treasures 

She will not enter in

and She will give them all away

because , He

is enough

Donnie's Odyssey: A Not So Epic Poem

Birth

 

Setting sail

from my mother's womb

I depended

I depended and I needed

 

I was innocence embodied

I was weakness in flesh

I was simultaneously joy and burden

 

Growth

 

I 

rode the wind hard

climbed the tree in my front yard

as high as the branches grew

thick enough to stand on

 

I 

rode my bike barefoot, 

I 

drank from the hose

I

flew corner store kites, and 

 

I played with G.I. Joes 

 

MOLDED

 

Flesh. Is. God's. Clay.

And HE seemed determined to make something out of me.

 

Resistance

 

I rode my skooter to the 

toy store and lifted

a couple of Ninja Turtles

for my collection

 

then I 

 

skooted through our ghetto park

and sat on the ice-plant bank

with the new girl in the neighborhood

who replaced Corey & Nathan

 

She 

 

showed me what a girl looks like beneath her dress

and my 

7 year-old body didn't know how to interpret it

 

I think that I kissed her

'Cause that's what movie stars did

but a child that age just hasn't learned how to work it

 

As an 

adult I wonder

what was hap'ning in her home

to teach her that that's the way a

young girl should behave?

 

I 

wish I could talk with her about 

what went down but I

can't even remember her name

 

Change

 

We moved to the south side where the

only other white kids were

overbearing and over-weird

 

Holiday haters, and wrestling fanatics with

'Nam vet uncles and trailer trash step mothers

 

So I 

made friends with brown Kenny & black Jamal

who called me white boy 

and made me aware that we were different

 

We rode bikes, threw rocks at cars

killed yellow jackets with wet rags

played horse and 

listened to Chris Cross and A Lighter Shade of Brown

 

We watched the older boys play hoop

and Pretty Tony the autistic giant

got mad for some reason I can't recall

 

and if he had

remembered to check if the

pair of nines he came back with were loaded

we'd have been witnesses to murder that afternoon 

 

Puberty

 

I

developed a belly and I

developed a lip

to cut back at my class mates 'cause

J.R. high kids can be brutal

 

so I

called Alberto's mom a whore

when he called me fat boy but then he

put his money where his mouth was and almost

shattered my nose

 

I called 

Jason a nigger when he

punched me in the arm in

MS. McGill's eighth grade science class

 

but the shame for my ignorance

stung more intensely then when he

and Ryan chased me after school and beat my ass 

 

MOLDED

 

Flesh. Is. God's. Clay.

And HE seemed determined to make something out of me.

 

Resistance

 

I stood outside of my

first high school with

Kid Johnny, Tessa, and Miss K.B.

 

When K.B. asked me if I 

smoked and I lied, then I choked

on about 6 puffs of her Virginia Slim cigarette

 

So I

started to smoke every

chance that I got and I

still don't know what it is about killing yourself that's so cool

 

then we'd

hot-box, John's mom's

Oldsmobile nightly and I was

starting to feel, like I had

stopped feeling anything

 

except cool

 

and that was enough for me because

friendship was more addicting than

weed and nicotine 

 

Change

 

I started to notice where

John's life was headed

heavier drugs and

skin head mentality

 

and it 

scared me to think that we were

on the same path so I

quit everything cold turkey and started

listening in church

 

I changed my language and I

changed my walk but I was

unaware that it was

too easy

 

So although the next

3 or 4 years went fairly smoothly 

my world collapsed in my mid 20's 

when life hit me

 

Circles

 

I 

remember sitting in my car with

Old Man Bones who told me he'd

given up on God because God had

given up on him

 

so I told him that it's

God's time we're on and that he

needed to study and be patient and his

prayers would be answered then

 

A year later I was 

sitting in my car cursing

God for everything that had happened

 

I said I'm

giving up on you because you've

given up on me and the

scariest part is that

at the time I really meant it 

 

Decay

 

When my

mom called to say that she was

leaving my dad it took

everything I am 

not to drown myself in booze 

 

which is crazy 'cause I can't recall them 

ever being happy but I

thought like sea captains they'd 

be buried in their sinking ship

 

Love

 

Then I met a woman who was

so full of life that it was

hard not to live a fuller life 

just for knowing her

 

she was a

 

free thinking catholic and I an

agnostic mormon with

intentions to keep practicing and 

someday believe again and

 

neither of us would be changing anytime soon

but I couldn't help falling in love with her

 

because

everything she did and said

made me happy but

ev'ry thing I did and said made her mad

 

we would

fight and then make and then

fight and then make up 

 

but no breakup because 

we were never officially anything and 

 

fin'ly she fell for a

man with vocal chords that

god must have touched with his bare hands 

 

now they

fight and then make and then

fight and then make up 

 

but she's

happy loving him and I've moved on to 

my mother land

 

Circles

 

I came

home to an empty house my

fam'ly divided and my

home felt dif'rent though my

mother tried to make it

 

homey for holidays for

my sister and for me and

I owe so much to that woman

 

Weight

 

still life kept  stacking up

and getting  harder to carry and

I felt like my support system was almost 

non existent 

 

but my 

friends were trying to 

carry me they were 

Christ's hands and I was 

brother Lazarus raised up

 

Reckoning 

 

One night I told my mom about my anger

I said I've

given up on God 'cause God has 

given up on me 

 

and she said you

can't blame god for every

thing that happens in your

life that you don't like

and there's a lot of good too

 

but I had

heard that before and it 

didn't change how I 

felt that God didn't really 

care about me

 

Change 

 

I 

don't remember what she

said that changed me but I 

opened back up to

positive feeling as though

 

Legion was in me and now 

a group of pigs were over

drowning themselves in the bay across the way

 

Supplication 

 

I 

went to my room and I got

down on my knees and then I

prayed for what seemed like hours and hours

 

Gratitude

 

I 

thanked god for every thing that I 

had and it might stun you to 

hear the things that I was 

grateful for

 

I said I’m

Grateful for people who have

wronged me and hurt me and I’m

grateful that I saw a

loved one in jail

 

I’m

grateful for every piece of

My heart I’ve left with someone

Who hasn’t been able to

Give me their own

 

I’m

grateful for poverty, for struggling, for loneliness

I’m

grateful for weight problems and bad karma

I’m

grateful for failed missions and nights in anguish

 

I’m grateful for everything that’s made me who I am

 

 

 and the things I felt I can't 

say to you here because 

some things are just

too sacred but

 

Let's just say that though I'm

still a sinner I have

better awareness of the hand guiding my way

 

MOLDED

 

Flesh. Is. God's. Clay.

And HE still seems determined to make something out of me.

A Song Involving Kites

My friend Ashley sent me these lyrics via text and I quite like them. I hope you enjoy-

"Let's pretend we're riding on a kite. We'll ascend until we're out of sight, light as paper we'll soar. We'll recline, aloft upon the breeze, dart about,  sail in wind with ease. That's what living is for. Some things are meant to be, the tide turning endlessly, the way it takes hold of me no matter what I do. And some things will never die, the promise of who you are, or memories when I am far, from you."

Lions and Ligers and Lears Oh My!

Here's a little video I made. A few friends and I are working on a series of these videos. Let me know what you think-

Donnie

_Down_To Go

Today was the first day of 2009. I can't help but feel relieved at the ending of 2008, a year that has been pretty brutal. The dynamic of my family changed, I faced bitter reality at every corner. I have learned what it means to work hard and attain nothing, and I've also learned that when risk and sacrifice do pay off, it makes the times when they didn't, seem a little more bearable. I feel like I've grown a considerable amount emotionally, and I also feel like after a deep struggle within myself that I'm starting to trust in God again.

2009 is going to be my year. A year for success, for happiness, for self discovery. I can feel my future knocking on the door asking my present to make way for bigger better things. And hope has found a way to charge through the Berlin Wall I've been building between my heart and everything in this world that has the possibility of making me happy, because often things that can bring joy also carry with them a probability to cause pain. But among the lessons learned in 2008, is the one which states that nothing great comes without risk, or sacrifice.

A friend died a week ago. He was young. He was good. He made some bad decisions. I didn't know him as well as I would have liked. But I do feel his absence. His passing has shaken me. I was much like him at stages in my life and could have easily been in his shoes. My mother thanked me for not letting my rebelliousness take me as far as this boy's did. I thought to myself, don't thank me, thank God. It was an act of God that snapped me out of that life, and I have never needed or wanted to look back to it. I thank God that I'm alive, sober, and hopeful.

My sister and her son Oliver, who is just over a year old, came to my mom's house just after Christmas to spend a few days with us. He has developed so much personality. He laughs, he says uh oh, and throws his hands up in the air. He loves to hold hands, and go for runs across the living room. He loves instruments, every chance he got he was running for the piano or guitar. And he received some lessons in vocal sound effects from Uncle Donnie. As they were leaving I started to cry because I realized that visiting with him and seeing his innocence and his simplicity made me happier than I had been in years. And I realized that even though our family doesn't have much to hold onto right now, at least we have this one treasure, this angel sent to us by God. And we can all draw happiness from his spirit. I think part of the magic is that it hasn't been long at all since he was in God's presence, and some of that light shines on us as we care for him.

I hope 2009 gives you the things your heart dreams of. I feel like special things are on their way. Thanks for reading,
Donnie

And Who'll Be Standin There Lookin Like Fred Astaire

OK so contrary to popular belief, I'm not dead. I'm very much alive. And what's more, I finally have some motivation to write!!! So without further hesitation, here are a few notes to catch you up on my life. I've been working at a lawn treatment company for the past several months. I've been kicked out of a home, swam a lot, formed a band, broke my computer screen (my laptop is currently hooked up to a tv) I've fallen for a girl, had my heart broken, made friends, heard great music, seen great films, been homeless, grown hair, began and abandoned the same film twice (the third attempt begins this Friday) freelance edited video, faced the potential of a writing internship, BBQ'd, written, discovered community radio, missed friends, and family, abandoned all hope, hoped with more intensity than ever in my life, discovered that my most recent "love interest" has the same color eyes as "The one that got away," realized that my most recent "Love Interest," will most likely be "The Other One That Got Away," I've skateboarded, read wonderful books, house hunted, discovered Band of Brothers, kept and missed appointments, played Tetris, needed home, missed God, Loved God, worn short shorts, Loved unconditionally, and many more wonderful things, and I've done it all while being tremendously poor and in what most would consider a small amount of debt, though the amount to me seems impossible. Life is full at least with all it's shortcomings, and I'm simultaneously joyful and miserable. Anyway, Thanks for reading.

Go watch Son Of Rambo, it's one of the best movies I've seen in ages!!!