Friday, January 2, 2009

_Down_To Go

Today was the first day of 2009. I can't help but feel relieved at the ending of 2008, a year that has been pretty brutal. The dynamic of my family changed, I faced bitter reality at every corner. I have learned what it means to work hard and attain nothing, and I've also learned that when risk and sacrifice do pay off, it makes the times when they didn't, seem a little more bearable. I feel like I've grown a considerable amount emotionally, and I also feel like after a deep struggle within myself that I'm starting to trust in God again.

2009 is going to be my year. A year for success, for happiness, for self discovery. I can feel my future knocking on the door asking my present to make way for bigger better things. And hope has found a way to charge through the Berlin Wall I've been building between my heart and everything in this world that has the possibility of making me happy, because often things that can bring joy also carry with them a probability to cause pain. But among the lessons learned in 2008, is the one which states that nothing great comes without risk, or sacrifice.

A friend died a week ago. He was young. He was good. He made some bad decisions. I didn't know him as well as I would have liked. But I do feel his absence. His passing has shaken me. I was much like him at stages in my life and could have easily been in his shoes. My mother thanked me for not letting my rebelliousness take me as far as this boy's did. I thought to myself, don't thank me, thank God. It was an act of God that snapped me out of that life, and I have never needed or wanted to look back to it. I thank God that I'm alive, sober, and hopeful.

My sister and her son Oliver, who is just over a year old, came to my mom's house just after Christmas to spend a few days with us. He has developed so much personality. He laughs, he says uh oh, and throws his hands up in the air. He loves to hold hands, and go for runs across the living room. He loves instruments, every chance he got he was running for the piano or guitar. And he received some lessons in vocal sound effects from Uncle Donnie. As they were leaving I started to cry because I realized that visiting with him and seeing his innocence and his simplicity made me happier than I had been in years. And I realized that even though our family doesn't have much to hold onto right now, at least we have this one treasure, this angel sent to us by God. And we can all draw happiness from his spirit. I think part of the magic is that it hasn't been long at all since he was in God's presence, and some of that light shines on us as we care for him.

I hope 2009 gives you the things your heart dreams of. I feel like special things are on their way. Thanks for reading,


Angie Peang said...

Hi Donnie, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. Sorry to keep pestering you, it's just because I like you. I hope you're doing well and I hope we keep running into each other because I like seeing you. It puts a smile on my face.

Greg and Cori Shaw said...

i like your blog. you should write more often. now that we've officially met, i've attended a show of yours, we're friends. right?