Friday, July 3, 2009


Sure, they say 
Stick to what you know
They say

Well I know that love isn't sticky

But I know love

Yes I know how to make it
I know how to tear it apart
I can pretend well that I have it
And I know how to pretend that I don't 

Yes I know love

Enough to know that love doesn't know me
Love and me are a pair of smooth stones
We are two positive magnets
I'm round, and love is for squares

Yes I know love

And I know that love isn't sticky

But they say 
Stick to what you know
They say

Jealous Anthropology in a Coffee Shop

Strands of Her hair fall
from beneath other strands
following the lines of Her face 
toward Him

Her jaw
Her nose
Her eyes

All pointed toward Him

The slightest revelation of  
The woman in Her
calls to the man in Me
demanding my undivided attention
and once she has it


One leg up, arms folded
toes pointed

Eyes focused

Her shoulders collapse inward
if they could only touch each other
maybe everything would be alright

She just wants this "thing" to work
She's just desperate to be held

She's thinking
'I wish we were the same thing'

He's thinking
'maybe if She was, what I am'

I'm thinking
'All I want out of existence is 
for one to look at me 
the way She's looking at Him' 

Like He's a key 
and He will unlock every closed door
and every hidden chest

but when those doors open
and those chests 
yield up their priceless treasures 

She will not enter in
and She will give them all away

because , He
is enough

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Donnie's Odyssey: A Not So Epic Poem

Setting sail
from my mother's womb
I depended
I depended and I needed
I was innocence embodied
I was weakness in flesh
I was simultaneously joy and burden

rode the wind hard
climbed the tree in my front yard
as high as the branches grew
thick enough to stand on

rode my bike barefoot, 

drank from the hose
flew corner store kites, and 
I played with G.I. Joes 
Flesh. Is. God's. Clay.
And HE seemed determined to make something out of me.
I rode my skooter to the 
toy store and lifted
a couple of Ninja Turtles
for my collection
then I 
skooted through our ghetto park
and sat on the ice-plant bank
with the new girl in the neighborhood
who replaced Corey & Nathan
showed me what a girl looks like beneath her dress
and my 
7 year-old body didn't know how to interpret it
I think that I kissed her
'Cause that's what movie stars did
but a child that age just hasn't learned how to work it
As an 
adult I wonder
what was hap'ning in her home
to teach her that that's the way a
young girl should behave?

wish I could talk with her about 
what went down but I
can't even remember her name
We moved to the south side where the
only other white kids were
overbearing and over-weird
Holiday haters, and wrestling fanatics with
'Nam vet uncles and trailer trash step mothers
So I 
made friends with brown Kenny & black Jamal
who called me white boy 
and made me aware that we were different
We rode bikes, threw rocks at cars
killed yellow jackets with wet rags
played horse and 
listened to Chris Cross and A Lighter Shade of Brown
We watched the older boys play hoop
and Pretty Tony the autistic giant
got mad for some reason I can't recall
and if he had
remembered to check if the
pair of nines he came back with were loaded
we'd have been witnesses to murder that afternoon 
developed a belly and I
developed a lip
to cut back at my class mates 'cause
J.R. high kids can be brutal
so I
called Alberto's mom a whore
when he called me fat boy but then he
put his money where his mouth was and almost
shattered my nose
I called 
Jason a nigger when he
punched me in the arm in
MS. McGill's eighth grade science class
but the shame for my ignorance
stung more intensely then when he
and Ryan chased me after school and beat my ass 
Flesh. Is. God's. Clay.
And HE seemed determined to make something out of me.
I stood outside of my
first high school with
Kid Johnny, Tessa, and Miss K.B.
When K.B. asked me if I 
smoked and I lied, then I choked
on about 6 puffs of her Virginia Slim cigarette
So I
started to smoke every
chance that I got and I
still don't know what it is about killing yourself that's so cool
then we'd
hot-box, John's mom's
Oldsmobile nightly and I was
starting to feel, like I had
stopped feeling anything
except cool
and that was enough for me because
friendship was more addicting than
weed and nicotine 
I started to notice where
John's life was headed
heavier drugs and
skin head mentality
and it 
scared me to think that we were
on the same path so I
quit everything cold turkey and started
listening in church
I changed my language and I
changed my walk but I was
unaware that it was
too easy
So although the next
3 or 4 years went fairly smoothly 
my world collapsed in my mid 20's 
when life hit me

remember sitting in my car with
Old Man Bones who told me he'd
given up on God because God had
given up on him
so I told him that it's
God's time we're on and that he
needed to study and be patient and his
prayers would be answered then
A year later I was 
sitting in my car cursing
God for everything that had happened
I said I'm
giving up on you because you've
given up on me and the
scariest part is that
at the time I really meant it 
When my
mom called to say that she was
leaving my dad it took
everything I am 
not to drown myself in booze 
which is crazy 'cause I can't recall them 
ever being happy but I
thought like sea captains they'd 
be buried in their sinking ship
Then I met a woman who was
so full of life that it was
hard not to live a fuller life 
just for knowing her
she was a
free thinking catholic and I an
agnostic mormon with
intentions to keep practicing and 
someday believe again and
neither of us would be changing anytime soon
but I couldn't help falling in love with her
everything she did and said
made me happy but
ev'ry thing I did and said made her mad
we would
fight and then make and then
fight and then make up 
but no breakup because 
we were never officially anything and 
fin'ly she fell for a
man with vocal chords that
god must have touched with his bare hands 
now they
fight and then make and then
fight and then make up 
but she's
happy loving him and I've moved on to 
my mother land
I came
home to an empty house my
fam'ly divided and my
home felt dif'rent though my
mother tried to make it
homey for holidays for
my sister and for me and
I owe so much to that woman
still life kept  stacking up
and getting  harder to carry and
I felt like my support system was almost 
non existent 
but my 
friends were trying to 
carry me they were 
Christ's hands and I was 
brother Lazarus raised up
One night I told my mom about my anger
I said I've
given up on God 'cause God has 
given up on me 
and she said you
can't blame god for every
thing that happens in your
life that you don't like
and there's a lot of good too
but I had
heard that before and it 
didn't change how I 
felt that God didn't really 
care about me

don't remember what she
said that changed me but I 
opened back up to
positive feeling as though
Legion was in me and now 
a group of pigs were over
drowning themselves in the bay across the way

went to my room and I got
down on my knees and then I
prayed for what seemed like hours and hours

thanked god for every thing that I 
had and it might stun you to 
hear the things that I was 
grateful for
I said I’m
Grateful for people who have
wronged me and hurt me and I’m
grateful that I saw a
loved one in jail
grateful for every piece of
My heart I’ve left with someone
Who hasn’t been able to
Give me their own
grateful for poverty, for struggling, for loneliness
grateful for weight problems and bad karma
grateful for failed missions and nights in anguish
I’m grateful for everything that’s made me who I am
 and the things I felt I can't 
say to you here because 
some things are just
too sacred but
Let's just say that though I'm
still a sinner I have
better awareness of the hand guiding my way
Flesh. Is. God's. Clay.
And HE still seems determined to make something out of me.

A Song Involving Kites

My friend Ashley sent me these lyrics via text and I quite like them. I hope you enjoy-

"Let's pretend we're riding on a kite. We'll ascend until we're out of sight, light as paper we'll soar. We'll recline, aloft upon the breeze, dart about,  sail in wind with ease. That's what living is for. Some things are meant to be, the tide turning endlessly, the way it takes hold of me no matter what I do. And some things will never die, the promise of who you are, or memories when I am far, from you."

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Lions and Ligers and Lears Oh My!

Here's a little video I made. A few friends and I are working on a series of these videos. Let me know what you think-

Friday, January 2, 2009

_Down_To Go

Today was the first day of 2009. I can't help but feel relieved at the ending of 2008, a year that has been pretty brutal. The dynamic of my family changed, I faced bitter reality at every corner. I have learned what it means to work hard and attain nothing, and I've also learned that when risk and sacrifice do pay off, it makes the times when they didn't, seem a little more bearable. I feel like I've grown a considerable amount emotionally, and I also feel like after a deep struggle within myself that I'm starting to trust in God again.

2009 is going to be my year. A year for success, for happiness, for self discovery. I can feel my future knocking on the door asking my present to make way for bigger better things. And hope has found a way to charge through the Berlin Wall I've been building between my heart and everything in this world that has the possibility of making me happy, because often things that can bring joy also carry with them a probability to cause pain. But among the lessons learned in 2008, is the one which states that nothing great comes without risk, or sacrifice.

A friend died a week ago. He was young. He was good. He made some bad decisions. I didn't know him as well as I would have liked. But I do feel his absence. His passing has shaken me. I was much like him at stages in my life and could have easily been in his shoes. My mother thanked me for not letting my rebelliousness take me as far as this boy's did. I thought to myself, don't thank me, thank God. It was an act of God that snapped me out of that life, and I have never needed or wanted to look back to it. I thank God that I'm alive, sober, and hopeful.

My sister and her son Oliver, who is just over a year old, came to my mom's house just after Christmas to spend a few days with us. He has developed so much personality. He laughs, he says uh oh, and throws his hands up in the air. He loves to hold hands, and go for runs across the living room. He loves instruments, every chance he got he was running for the piano or guitar. And he received some lessons in vocal sound effects from Uncle Donnie. As they were leaving I started to cry because I realized that visiting with him and seeing his innocence and his simplicity made me happier than I had been in years. And I realized that even though our family doesn't have much to hold onto right now, at least we have this one treasure, this angel sent to us by God. And we can all draw happiness from his spirit. I think part of the magic is that it hasn't been long at all since he was in God's presence, and some of that light shines on us as we care for him.

I hope 2009 gives you the things your heart dreams of. I feel like special things are on their way. Thanks for reading,

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

And Who'll Be Standin There Lookin Like Fred Astaire

OK so contrary to popular belief, I'm not dead. I'm very much alive. And what's more, I finally have some motivation to write!!! So without further hesitation, here are a few notes to catch you up on my life. I've been working at a lawn treatment company for the past several months. I've been kicked out of a home, swam a lot, formed a band, broke my computer screen (my laptop is currently hooked up to a tv) I've fallen for a girl, had my heart broken, made friends, heard great music, seen great films, been homeless, grown hair, began and abandoned the same film twice (the third attempt begins this Friday) freelance edited video, faced the potential of a writing internship, BBQ'd, written, discovered community radio, missed friends, and family, abandoned all hope, hoped with more intensity than ever in my life, discovered that my most recent "love interest" has the same color eyes as "The one that got away," realized that my most recent "Love Interest," will most likely be "The Other One That Got Away," I've skateboarded, read wonderful books, house hunted, discovered Band of Brothers, kept and missed appointments, played Tetris, needed home, missed God, Loved God, worn short shorts, Loved unconditionally, and many more wonderful things, and I've done it all while being tremendously poor and in what most would consider a small amount of debt, though the amount to me seems impossible. Life is full at least with all it's shortcomings, and I'm simultaneously joyful and miserable. Anyway, Thanks for reading.

Go watch Son Of Rambo, it's one of the best movies I've seen in ages!!!